How to Deal with Autism Anger in Adults: Effective Strategies and Techniques

Everyone experiences anger from time to time. For autistic individuals, anger can be more complex than for their neurotypical peers. Autism anger is often misunderstood or pathologized, which can lead to increased frustration for both the autistic person and those around them. Feeling misunderstood or judged makes anger management even more difficult than it already is. 

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To ease the added difficulties around autistic anger, it’s important to understand its causes, employ effective coping strategies and improve communication skills. Autistic individuals and their support networks can work together to build a toolkit for anger management.

Many different factors contribute to feelings of anger related to autism spectrum disorder.  Among them are: 

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• Communication differences: Difficulty expressing needs, feelings, desires or discomfort may lead to anger.
• Changes in routine: Autistic individuals thrive with routines and sameness. Disruptions to routines can feel distressing, which may fuel feelings of anger.
• Being overwhelmed by multiple tasks: Challenges with executive function are common in autistic adults. If tasked with multiple things at once, an autistic person may struggle to prioritize or begin tasks, which can lead to overwhelm and anger.
• Anxiety: Around 50% of autistic individuals have elevated levels of anxiety. New social interactions, new situations or overall feelings of unease can cause anxiety. For some people, anxiety can manifest as anger. 
• Social miscommunication: Differences in communication styles between autistic individuals and their neurotypical peers sometimes result in misunderstandings. Anger can be a reaction to such miscommunications.
• Ruminating on past situations: Ruminating (getting stuck in a repetitive cycle of negative thoughts) about past frustrating situations can cause anger. 

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How does sensory overload contribute to anger in autistic individuals?

Amongst causes of anger in autistic adults, sensory overload is very common. Though sensory overload can happen to neurodivergent and neurotypical people alike, it occurs more often in neurodiverse populations and is a defining feature of autism spectrum disorder. 

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Sensory overload refers to the overstimulation of one of the body’s five senses: taste, touch, sight, smell and hearing. Examples include being extra sensitive to certain clothing materials, bright lights and loud, repetitive sounds.

This overload can range from unpleasant to physically painful. Further, an influx of sensory input overwhelms the nervous system, making people less patient and more irritable. What may appear as an angry outburst or aggression is sometimes a reaction to the discomfort caused by an overwhelming sensory experience.

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Why is it important to identify specific triggers for autistic adults?

Identifying the cause of anger in autistic adults is important to handle the situation most effectively. For example, anger caused by a disruption in routine should be addressed differently than anger caused by sensory overload. Identifying triggers will help build systems to more easily manage or avoid known triggers and the anger they may cause.

Autistic adults can use many coping strategies and skills to prevent or manage their anger. Building emotional regulation is key, alongside working collaboratively with support people. 

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Emotional regulation techniques for autistic adults

Emotional regulation is the ability to control your emotional state. When thinking about anger, emotional regulation means that an individual can recognize their anger without having an outburst or meltdown. Emotional regulation can be tricky for anyone, especially autistic adults. Because people feel a wide range of emotions, and each individual will respond differently to triggers, emotional regulation should be an individualized process. However, there are some general coping strategies that serve as a good starting point:

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• Deep breathing exercises, such as “box breathing,” which is breathing in for four counts, holding for four counts, and breathing out for four counts
• Stimming, using a fidget toy or engaging with a comfort item 
• Decreasing sensory input by wearing sunglasses or using noise-cancelling headphones
• Doing low-impact exercises like stretching or going for a walk
• Exiting the triggering situation, if possible

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How can mindfulness practices work for autistic adults experiencing anger?

Mindfulness is a technique that relies on grounding oneself to calm the mind and body when confronted with something overwhelming. The purpose of mindfulness is to stay grounded in and aware of the present moment instead of ruminating on negative thoughts or potential outcomes. It seeks to eliminate negative thought spirals and stay rooted in the here and now.

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Mindfulness can be practiced in many ways, such as deep breathing or meditation. Research suggests that a mindfulness practice may help prevent ruminating on frustrating situations, which can help lessen the frequency or intensity of angry outbursts. While things like stimming or wearing sunglasses can help an autistic individual emotionally regulate in the moment, practicing mindfulness helps improve emotional regulation in the long run. As a regulated state becomes more normal for the individual, their anger management skills will improve.

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How can support people help autistic individuals manage anger?

There are many ways for family members, friends or other support folks to help their autistic loved one manage their anger. For example, because disruptions to routine are a common trigger for anger in autistic individuals, giving advance notice of a schedule change may help quell anger. Personally, I tend to feel angry when someone is running late, especially when there is no notice. But, if my friend tells me that they will be fifteen minutes late to lunch due to traffic or a work commitment, I can adjust my expectations and avoid the angry outburst that may have occurred if they’d just shown up late with no explanation.

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Further, support people can help teach coping mechanisms and even practice them with their autistic loved one, such as doing a deep breathing exercise or practicing mindfulness together. 

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Also, autistic individuals should feel empowered to exit situations that are causing undue distress or anger. Alleviating pressure to “stick it out” will allow autistic adults to leave stressful situations if they’re having difficulty preventing or recovering from an outburst. I get very overstimulated in malls. When my mom and I meet to go shopping, she tells me I can leave at any point if the sensory input is too overwhelming. Just knowing that I can leave without facing judgment or having to explain myself makes it easier to stay regulated in the moment.

While autistic individuals can practice emotional regulation techniques or mindfulness on their own, sometimes it’s best to pursue therapy to help manage anger. Different types of therapy are beneficial for coping with and managing anger. 

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Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) helps change a person's maladaptive thoughts and behaviors, ultimately improving overall mental health and well-being. CBT can help autistic people with anger management by teaching them to be aware of their triggers and understand why those triggers cause anger to flare up. When people better understand their triggers, they can learn techniques to manage them. A mental health therapist who specializes in CBT will help their clients make lasting behavioral changes based on the anger management techniques that best address their specific triggers.

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Dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT)

Dialectical behavioral therapy is a type of therapy that was specially developed for those who experience emotions very intensely. This is helpful for autistic adults who tend to have strong reactions to triggers or stressors. DBT focuses on helping individuals accept the reality of their circumstances while also developing skills to cope with that reality.

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DBT professionals lead clients through four main treatment modules: 

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• Mindfulness: A mindfulness practice helps clients become more aware and accepting of their emotions in the present moment. 
• Distress tolerance: This helps clients learn actionable skills to cope with stressful or triggering situations. Over time, clients can better tolerate frustrating situations as they improve their coping skills and overall distress tolerance. 
• Emotional regulation: This teaches clients how to manage their emotions effectively without having an outburst. 
• Interpersonal effectiveness: This allows clients to develop skills that allow them to communicate their needs, including during triggering situations.

When combined, these four treatment modules become a toolkit that autistic individuals can pull from to help prevent or manage anger.

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Sensory integration therapy

Because sensory overload is such a common cause of autistic anger, autistic adults may benefit from sensory integration therapy. During sensory integration therapy, a trained therapist will help stimulate sensory responses in a client so that the client learns effective ways to manage sensory input. 

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A sensory integration therapist may use deep pressure therapy during sessions with their client. Deep pressure therapy involves applying evenly distributed pressure to the body with weighted blankets or massage, for example. Deep pressure is grounding and can calm a person’s nervous system. 

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Other sensory integration methods include rocking or swinging, which helps improve bodily awareness and can help an autistic adult better process sensory input. 

Communication is a key part of anger management for autistic individuals. Feeling misunderstood is a common trigger for autistic adults. Misunderstandings can occur due to differences in communication styles between neurodiverse individuals and their neurotypical peers. Feeling understood and empowered to communicate needs helps autistic individuals avoid angry outbursts. 

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How can communication strategies be tailored to autistic individuals?

Differences in communication are key diagnostic criteria for autism spectrum disorder. This means that most, if not all, autistic adults have had trouble communicating their needs or have felt misunderstood when doing so. Communication strategies are often developed with neurotypical folks in mind, so they need to be tailored for autistic individuals. There are plenty of communication strategies that autistic individuals and their support systems can use during difficult moments to prevent or manage anger. Here are a few examples.

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Create a communication plan

First, autistic adults and their loved ones should work together during calm moments to create a communication plan for stressful situations. This could mean developing a designated hand signal in case speaking becomes too difficult or coming up with a safe word or phrase to let their loved ones know they’re feeling overwhelmed.

For example, my loved ones and I have enacted a safe phrase in my own life. I get overwhelmed easily during parties, concerts or sporting events, and I quickly become irritable during sensory overload. My friends and family know that when I say, “I’m feeling shaky,” it’s time for us to find a quiet spot to take a timeout or leave altogether. Being able to whisper an agreed-upon phrase quickly eliminates extra stress from properly expressing myself without being misunderstood or trying to come up with a solution on the spot.

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Use alternate means of communication

Further, autistic individuals should feel safe and empowered to use alternative means of communication when feeling overwhelmed, such as writing down their needs or using pictures to describe them. For example, if an autistic individual is attending a party with a friend, but the music is overstimulating, they could send their friend a text message with the music note emoji to communicate that they need to find a quiet place to retreat to. 

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Use clear communication

Most importantly, neurotypical support people should always communicate clearly and directly with their autistic loved ones. Clearly expressing expectations, plans or potential triggers ahead of time sets everyone up for an enjoyable experience. 

Anger is a normal part of the human experience. Everyone feels angry sometimes when confronted with something distressing or overwhelming––but autistic people are more prone to anger due to triggers like sensory overload and communication difficulties. With the right support, autistic individuals can manage––and even prevent––anger during difficult moments. 

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If you’re autistic and struggle with anger, Prosper Health is here to help. We offer neurodiversity-affirming therapy, covered by insurance, covered by insurance. Our expert clinicians incorporate evidence-based therapies into our sessions, tailoring all care to the unique needs of autistic and neurodivergent adults. 80% of our clinicians identify as neurodivergent or have a close connection with a neurodivergent individual, so they truly understand the unique experience of anger in neurodiverse people.

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With this support, you can learn to cope with anger in healthy ways and improve your overall well-being.