Navigating Meltdowns: Effective Strategies to Support Autistic Adults

Meltdowns are an extremely overwhelming experience for autistic people. In the throes of total overload, it can be difficult to identify and meet one’s own needs. While preventing and managing meltdowns is a skill many autistic adults can and do have, knowing how to help an autistic loved one during a meltdown can be an important way to show support.

Meltdowns are an involuntary response to nervous system overwhelm that many autistic adults experience. Meltdowns can occur for a variety of reasons, and can be caused by a combination of factors. Many autistic adults describe sensory overload and disruption to routines or plans as common meltdown triggers, but meltdowns can occur any time an autistic person’s safety needs aren’t met. 

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During an autistic meltdown, the overwhelm or distress an autistic person feels has grown too great to contain. This distress spills out as behaviors like crying, screaming, kicking or throwing things and more. Someone in an active meltdown may stim more intensely to self-soothe, or seek out specific sensory inputs while avoiding others to mitigate distress. For example, they may rock back and forth, hum or chew on an object,  or move to a location with lower lighting or less noise. 

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One reason autistic people experience meltdowns is the heightened sensitivity of autistic nervous systems. In particular, sensory inputs that a neurotypical person may not react to, like loud or repetitive noises or bright lights, can feel overwhelming and cause great discomfort for autistic adults. Autistic people move through a world that doesn’t accommodate these hypersensitivities, nor their need for routine and reliability.

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Autistic people confront stigma in many corners of their lives and are often met with disappointment or reprimand when their behavior doesn’t meet neurotypical expectations. The combination of these factors lead many autistics to live with a higher baseline level of stress, which can cause autistic burnout and meltdowns.

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While proactive strategies, such as avoiding triggering situations when possible, can help autistic individuals reach the point of melting down less often; meltdowns are a reality for autistics of all ages, including autistic adults—and once a meltdown has started, there is no stopping it. At the point of a meltdown, the mental load an autistic person is carrying has become too heavy to hold. Meltdowns are not done willfully or intentionally, and many autistic adults describe intense distress at the inability to control their actions during a meltdown.

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Meltdowns are energy-intensive. They can be as brief as a few minutes or last as long as hours after the initial trigger or triggers are removed or resolved. Regardless of how long a meltdown lasts, once they are done, they leave autistic people depleted of energy. Recouping this energy can take days for some individuals, especially if they’re unable to take adequate time to rest in a safe environment.

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While proactive measures to limit meltdowns can be of great help, meltdowns can’t always be prevented. Responding meaningfully to a meltdown is an essential way to support autistic adults.

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Identify the rumbling stage

Immediately preceding a meltdown, many autistic individuals experience what is termed the “rumbling stage.” During this stage, an individual feels significant overwhelm or stress, but hasn’t yet crossed the threshold into a meltdown. While some autistic adults may conceal signs of distress, or feel them more internally than others, many exhibit outward signs that can indicate an impending meltdown.

Signs of rumbling tend to overlap with general distress signifiers, including: 

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• Increased stimming behavior
• Becoming abnormally silent or still
• Growing frustrated easily
• Heightened difficulty communicating
• Repeatedly seeking reassurance

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By learning to identify the signs of rumbling, an autistic adult’s support system is more likely to be able to intervene and prevent meltdowns from happening. 

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At this stage, the best course of action is to identify and remove any triggers at hand. Providing sensory support tools like fidget toys, weighted blankets or headphones can also help. Once triggers have been removed, distractions such as music, humor or engaging the person in a topic of interest can also help, especially if an individual is stuck in a cognitive loop, which can precede meltdowns.

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Lead with empathy and keep calm

Once an autistic adult is experiencing an active meltdown, a variety of strategies can help the individual reach a state of calm and safety, which makes it possible for a meltdown to end and recovery to begin.

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It is imperative to keep empathy and respect at the forefront when using support strategies for meltdowns. Meltdowns are incredibly distressing experiences for autistic people, and autistic adults often feel frustrated, embarrassed and misunderstood after a meltdown. It is important to validate what the individual is experiencing, and remind them that you love and care about them.

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If you know the individual is comfortable with being touched while in distress, offering physical touch like hugs can be helpful for some autistic adults as well. Ensure you receive explicit permission to touch an individual, because unwanted touch can increase distress and make a person feel less safe.

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While supporting an autistic adult during a meltdown, demeanor is key. If an autistic person’s support system is frantic, this can fuel the individual’s distress. When helping an autistic adult who is having a meltdown, it is important to remain calm. Avoid talking or moving too loudly or quickly, which can contribute to sensory overload and feelings of stress.

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Use flexible communication

Autistic people tend to exhibit different styles of communication from neurotypical individuals, and many find it difficult to communicate their internal experiences to others or to process verbal information. This difficulty is often heightened during a meltdown. Individuals supporting during a meltdown should not expect the autistic individual to be able to communicate readily. Pressuring an individual to answer questions or to know what they need in the moment can cause additional stress.

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Flexible communication approaches can help facilitate communication and reduce stress for an autistic adult who is having a meltdown. Speaking in shorter sentences and using more literal language can be helpful.. Give the individual space to share when they want to, understanding that it may take them longer to verbalize their thoughts. Offering alternate modes of communication can also help some autistic adults, such as written communication and visual aids.

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Help them regulate

During a meltdown, an autistic individual’s ability to self-regulate is reduced, as is their ability to think clearly and take steps to meet their needs. One of the key support roles a loved one can take during a meltdown is to support the individual’s emotional and sensory regulation. Removing any triggers should be the first priority.

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Another meaningful way to help an autistic adult during a meltdown is to provide regulating tools and activities after you manage the immediate environment to make it as calm and predictable as possible. Each autistic person has unique needs and experiences, and it may take trial and error to determine which calming strategies are most helpful.

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Some tools and strategies that can help include:

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• Adjusting the lighting or turn lights off altogether
• Weighted blankets or compressive garments
• Soft blankets or pillows
• Lighting a candle with a familiar, pleasant scent
• Playing music on headphones or speakers
• Quiet time 

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Support their recovery

Supporting an autistic adult also includes supporting their post-meltdown recovery. Rest in a safe environment is critical for autistic individuals to restore energy levels after melting down. An autistic adult’s support system can help by offering familiar, soothing activities or items, like touching sensory objects or watching a favorite movie. They can also provide some relief by taking tasks off the individual’s plate where possible—whether that’s cooking comfortable, familiar foods, or helping the individual manage their schedule or communicate with providers if necessary.

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Supporting someone after a meltdown can also include discussing what happened, once the person is ready to do so. It can be valuable to talk about any new triggers the individual may have identified that contributed to this meltdown, as well as ways that you can better support the next time it happens. The individual may also want to talk about what they were feeling during the meltdown, or what they are feeling now as they come down. When discussing the meltdown, it is critical to remain affirming and supportive to ensure the individual does not feel judged.

Meltdowns share some features with panic attacks, something that many autistic people also experience. Both involve intense distress responses that are difficult to control, but they are distinct events. Here are some key differences:

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• Meltdowns are typically brought on by sensory overload or other external factors that cause distress, such as disruption to routines or planned events. A panic attack, on the other hand, can be spurred by anxiety or fear of stressful or catastrophic events. 
• Panic attacks tend to last shorter than meltdowns. A panic attack typically lasts between five and 20 minutes, and a meltdown can last minutes to hours.
• Panic attacks involve physical symptoms that meltdowns alone often don’t, like an elevated heart rate, chest pain, and shortness of breath. 
• Meltdowns can result in the loss of control of outward behaviors (like screaming, intense stimming, kicking or throwing things) but panic attacks do not.
• Panic attacks and meltdowns share some support strategies but tend to require different interventions because of their different nature and features.

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Meltdowns are an overwhelming and upsetting experience. During a meltdown, autistic individuals often can’t think clearly enough to meet their own needs, even if they have a good idea of what strategies feel supportive for them. It can also be more difficult during a meltdown than usual for autistic people to communicate what they’re feeling. For loved ones and caregivers of autistic adults, meltdowns are important experiences to be able to support an individual through.

For autistic adults and the people in their lives, understanding what causes an individual’s meltdowns is key to responding to them. If the trigger remains, an autistic person can remain stuck in a meltdown, underscoring the importance of identifying and resolving triggers. If certain environments or scenarios consistently lead to meltdowns, determining how to intervene with these triggers can make a huge difference in an autistic person’s emotional health.

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Triggers vary from person to person, and autistic people may have varying levels of awareness of what drives their own meltdowns. Sensory triggers are among the most common drivers of meltdowns and can include:

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• Loud and repetitive noises
• Certain tactile inputs
• Overwhelming visuals like bright lights and rapid movement
• Strong smells and flavors.
  
  

Other common meltdown triggers include: 

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• Unexpected disruptions to routine or plans
• Difficulty communicating needs
• Inability to control events

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Meltdowns can be caused by a single trigger, but are often set in motion by the combination of multiple factors. Autistic burnout, the prolonged state of fatigue and decreased functioning many autistic people experience as a result of chronic stress, can lower the threshold for a meltdown to start. Autistic individuals operating in a state of burnout are likely to experience more meltdowns, perpetuating the burnout and forming an exhausting cycle.

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Additionally, someone may be more likely to have a meltdown if they’re also experiencing:

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• High stress
• Poor sleep
• Anxiety
• Depression
• Trauma-related disorders

It’s key to support autistic adults in tending to their overall mental health, as well as working with them to anticipate and prepare for situations and environments that are more likely to trigger a meltdown.

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Strategies that support an autistic adult’s long-term well-being go a long way to reduce the frequency of meltdowns. Lowering day-to-day stress levels can help increase distress tolerance, which may delay the onset or reduce the intensity of a meltdown.

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Therapy is one of the best ways an autistic individual can support and improve their mental health. In addition to providing general support for mental health goals, a neurodiversity-affirming therapist can also help autistic adults process their meltdowns and understand what is contributing to them. Therapy can also help autistic adults learn and practice coping strategies when they are not in an active meltdown, which, over time, can make those skills more accessible during times of distress.

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Individuals can also support autistic adults’ mental health by creating opportunities for them to recharge. This can mean prioritizing restorative activities at home or in another controlled, familiar environment, allowing the autistic individual time to relax and avoid stressors. Supporting autistic adults in unmasking is also an important way to promote well-being.

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Identifying and planning to limit or mitigate triggers is also a great strategy to reduce the frequency of meltdowns. Triggers in an individual’s environment, like fluorescent lights or unpleasant textures, may be removed and replaced with sensory-friendly alternatives with relative ease. In situations where triggers are inevitable, support an autistic adult may involve planning ahead to help them navigate those experiences.  These can include things such as sensory tools like earplugs when you know they might be needed and making a plan in advance for how to leave a potentially triggering situation in case it becomes too overwhelming.

For autistic adults, meltdowns are a difficult part of life. However, they are not without value; meltdowns can teach us more about what situations, stimuli, and people make us feel dysregulated or unsafe, helping us better protect our well-being down the road.

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One of the most important forms of support for an autistic adult, with both meltdowns and overall well-being, is therapy. If you or a loved one are struggling with meltdowns, autistic burnout and other stressors that contribute to meltdowns, Prosper Health can help. 

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Prosper Health therapists are neurodiversity-affirming and experienced in supporting autistic adults with experiences like meltdowns. Our clinicians all specialize in adult autism and they understand the importance of meeting you where you are on your mental health journey to help you achieve your goals.